I’m Hurt, Now What?

Discover Freedom From Hurt

When we are hurt emotionally by someone it can fall into two categories. One, that the other person has been uncaring, selfish or unkind toward you. Or two, they have good intentions, really do care and have no idea they hurt you. The truth is the second one is more common than one would think. In either case, the answer lies in how you handle yourself inside.

Believe it or not, getting hurt easily or the inability to be hurt are for the most part both within your control. Being hurt is not black and white. You have choices! That is an exciting truth.

Dead And Buried Hurt

When we are adults, being hurt is most often more painful than it needs to be because it reminds our nervous system of a previous hurt that is similar in nature. We call this an “anchor” in Neurolinguistic Programming. Anchors are usually unconscious, meaning it is outside of our conscious awareness. What’s interesting is that we can be more emotionally sensitive to negative comments if a person looks like, sounds like, feels like or even smells like someone who hurt us in the past. So when you are hurt, what you should ask yourself is ”when in the past have I felt this before?” It’s important to put the proper feelings on the proper memory in the past and not overreact to the present. Overreacting is when our fight or flight response is triggered. The 4 responses are fight, flight, freeze or fawn and any of those four reactions can take place when we are hurt in such a way that reminds us of a previous hurt. This can cause significant interruption to our lives such as being unproductive at work or can even cause embarrassment later when our actions don’t match the situation because we are actually reacting to the past hurt.

Resolving Hurt

How do you resolve the past hurt? This is where your thoughts, your feelings and your body can integrate through forgiveness. Often, when we forgive the right person in the past, the people in our present lives rarely hurt us in the same way they could before because we are healed inside. That means we are much less easily hurt or even unable to be hurt at all. The old triggered response diminishes or disappears and we can respond to the present moment without old feelings clouding our view of the present.

Whether you are forgiving a past hurt or forgiving the person who hurt you in the present, a brilliant structure for forgiveness comes from the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono and many religions and traditions teach forgiveness in a variety of ways. The most important factor in the forgiveness process is that you see forgiveness as a self-healing process rather than a giving permission for bad behavior process. The more general and less detailed you are in your forgiveness, the better so that the mind has less to debate with.

Owning Up To Our Mistakes

However, one way forgiveness can be incomplete is if you forget to ask for forgiveness from the other person. Often, when we are in a strong emotional response, we cannot rationally look at our own behavior. This is where disaster can strike. Owning your own behavior, your part in an argument will free you of resentment, anger and hurt very fast. You start to see the other person as human, you see the two of you as equals and both playing a part in the misunderstanding. Realize even if the other person’s behavior is wildly more immature than your own, you still need the healing that comes from owning your own misperceptions or mistakes. This is the only way to maturity, freedom from hurt and a well-rounded happy life.

Next Steps

After the forgiveness is complete, you may decide to confront the situation or you may decide to take note of the interaction and handle yourself differently next time. If it becomes clear that the person did indeed have malintent, you should protect yourself by setting excellent boundaries. But beware of jumping to this conclusion too soon. Even trained professionals can miss true intent for better or worse. You may want to seek the advice of a trusted mentor or if you are lucky enough to have an unbiased friend who doesn’t just take your side of things and tell you what you want to hear to make sure you have looked at the situation from every angle possible and haven’t missed any of your own errors. Be careful to never confront the situation when your emotions are still heightened. You must only do this with a cool head. Whichever way you decide to handle it, remember no one does this perfectly so lighten up on yourself and realize we are all just learning, practicing forgiveness and getting better through practice over time.

You Decide

So, do you want to live life extremely sensitively, able to be hurt over and over, never getting past it? I don’t think so. I think you would rather lessen your sensitivity, forgive, heal, own up to your behavior and be a better person than you were yesterday. This is the only choice for growth and ultimately the only path to a successful life. Even though there are bad people that you have to interact with in life sometimes and good people who accidentally cause hurt, it is up to you to handle the next steps carefully, with integrity and with an intent to get a long-term outcome that is best for your future and for the relationship you want to keep with that person.

If you need help resolving hurt or stress, call directly for your free hypnosis screening. 407-614-7355 or visit our homepage.